Smile Baby
by Chelsea Grin
Summary: All the Joker did was grant the one wish of a poor little hostage. Its not like he expected it would turn him into a dad... T just to be safe. rating may or may not go up
1. It's called a condom Use it

**Okay, so this is my second story. I got the pregnancy idea from TheTwilightMoon so don't look at me for brilliancy :D**

**Disclaimer: Oh, oh how I wish the Joker was mine...but he's not. Him and all the rest of the Batman folks belong to DC**

I let out a huff and look impatiently at my pink and black Hello Kitty watch. _Honestly, how long does it take to rob a frikkin bank?_ Of course, I don't mean the bank was being robbed at that moment, I just needed it to be robbed soon. Preferably while I was still alive. Yes I'm sane.

"Waiting for some one, miss?" I look up at the man in monkey suit, smiling expectantly at me. Oh, for the love of… Eh why not…

"Actually, yes. I figure at some point or another, the Joker will rob this bank and seeing as I need to get a hold of him, I'm thinking I'll just wait out here till he does. He's a very hard man to reach you know." I smile at him innocently. The man gives me a funny look and backs away, returning to his sorry excuse of a hollow life. My smile drops and I roll my eyes. Stupid hormones really are making me bitchy...

At that moment, I notice a van pull up. Vans are suspicious, right? And no nimrods, not the shoes. I see some men file out of the vehicle wearing suits and clown masks. Yep, that would be the henchmen. I sigh and smooth down my shirt just as the door bursts open and the first clown faced guy holds up a gun and yells, "Every body down or I'll shoot!" People scream but follow orders. The man runs in the direction of the safe, another man right behind him and a different guy comes up, taking place as enforcer. He notices I'm still standing and walks towards me.

"Think you're special, eh?" I shrug and cross my arms, looking coolly at him. "Actually, I need to speak with your boss. Then I'll be on my way." He tilts his head and cocks his gun. "Oh, really now? Well I'm pretty sure I can arrange that. But just out of curiosity, what is it you need to talk with him about?" I sigh. Might as well.

"I'm pregnant."

**yes I realize it's short but the second chapter will be longer and will be coming fast. :D Review? Please?**


	2. No Joke

**Yea it's a pathetic scene to use but, hey, it's my story alright? Please don't kill me . so Chapter 2. up and ready just as I promised.**

He stands there for the longest time, just looking at me

He stands there for the longest time, just looking at me. It was probably only a couple seconds but for some reason this guys eyes make me feel this way. I almost recognize them….

"You're joking right?" Then he starts giggling and then the giggle turns into hysterical laughter. I know that laugh. Two weeks with that stupid laugh. But I just shake my head. I wouldn't wake up this early to play a joke. He sees me shaking my head and is about to say something but one of his buddies walks out with the money.

"Hold on sweetheart." He says with a snicker and I really can not believe that I didn't recognize his voice from the beginning. It strikes me as odd that only one man came out when there were two them but then I realize that I don't wanna know what happened to the other one. I sigh and watch as the masked guy pulls a gun on the Joker. They he says something and the Joker says something back. The gun falls and then a school bus crashes through the wall, killing the gun holder.

The bus driver comes out the back and helps load the bags of money into the bus. After the job is done, the Joker quickly pulls out a gun and shoots him. He motions me over and I come running. "Get in the bus." If there's one thing I learned from two weeks of being his hostage, it's to follow orders. I quickly step on with a little help from him but really, I just think he wanted an excuse to touch my butt. Fond memories of you too, buddy. He climbs on after me and I quickly sit down so he can drive.

Knowing that there might be guns involved, I duck down onto the floor, holding my arms over my head and closing my eyes. Even if no one shot at us, I just saved him the step of blind folding me or something stupid like that to keep me from knowing where it is we're going. Last time he just knocked me out.

I lean with the bus as it makes its turns and slowly, the traffic sounds start to fade. We must be reaching a more desolate part of the city. The bus is noisy and we don't talk for whole trip. We haven't seen each other in a few weeks. It's a little awkward to see him now after, well…

_I tug at my bonds uselessly. It's just a habit now. My legs are getting tired from standing and I know that, under the clown faces, these guys are staring me up and down. They won't tell me anything but my guess is they're waiting for their boss. Hmm…let me guess…clown faces? The Joker. Great. These men have guns. Does this mean I'm gonna die?_

_Just then, he comes through the door. Give you three guesses to figure out who I'm talking about._

"_Well…well…well…what have we here?" I look up at him, paying absolutely no interest to anything going on around me. Anything I say or do can be used against my mental stability. Not that I ever really cared much for what happens on Gotham's streets, I just know enough about the Joker to keep myself safe. I hope._

"_Cant you just tell me if I'm going to die or not? It really would make my day a whole lot easier." I smile. I'd heard of his trademark phrase. Why so serious? Might as well give him the smile he wants. He takes a step forward and pulls out a knife._

"_Well that, gorgeous, all depends on whether or not our old bat friend will show his face to the public." He gives me a mischievous smile and I roll my eyes._

"_Great. I'm dead. Man and I haven't even lost my virginity yet. I'm gonna die a 16 year old virgin." I'm so busy thinking about all the things I'm gonna miss out on that it scares me when the Joker gets right up in my face. "Are you really that desperate for a little action?" I'm smart. I know what he's hinting at. But strangely, I don't really care. There is a sexiness about him…I shrug._

"_Why not. You're cute." This startles him but he quickly recovers. He puts the knife to my mouth. "Did I ever tell you how I got these scars…?" Oh great. He's trying to pull that "name-the-scar-story!" thing with me. I give him my smoldering look that works with all the boys, insane or otherwise._

"_Don't change the subject…" he looks at me for a second then lets his head back and howls with laughter. When he's done, he motions at one of my "guards". He cuts the ropes tying my wrists and as soon as he's done, the Joker grabs my hand and pulls me behind him, out the door. He says over his shoulder at me, "We're gonna have some fun tonight…" I should be scared, but I'm not. The little sex demon inside me is screaming "yes! Yes! YES!" scaring away the pitiful excuse for a conscience that I know is hiding somewhere, getting ready to pretend this never happened. I smirk._

_Let the games begin._

I'm snap out of my memories from a particularly rough bump in the road. There's still nothing but loud silence between us. Of course, we didn't actually do anything that night. No, that wasn't until a couple nights before he let me go. He ended up shoving me into a room with a twin sized bed and white light and the sound of a locked door behind me.

Tormenting bastard. Then again, that was the only time I'd let him get close to annoying me. I always asked simple questions, and I never gave him funny looks. Scars don't really bother me, no matter how gruesome. And I'd seen scarier make up on the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I could tell I was a puzzle to him. Maybe that's what kept me there so long. He couldn't get under my skin.

The bus stops and I'm pulled out of my musings again. I stand up carefully and look to the front of the bus to see the Joker, with his mask off, smiling maniacally back at me. "You wanted to talk to me?"

**Reveiws? I hunger for them!**


	3. Aw Crud

**I'm starting to worry that I sound like one of those pathetic Mary Sues. Jeez if I am just tell me and end the suffering of others. And no I'm not fishing for compliments. In fact, if you read this and you dont agree, then dont say anything. If you do, tell me in a review. I dislike Mary Sues just as much as I dislike getting up early (**

The Joker is sitting across from me on a metal chair. We're in an empty room and there's that whole loud silence thing again. He's looking at me expectantly and licks his lips. I start.

"Well after you let me go, I started to worry about the, well, you know, that night and I remembered that we, uh, hadn't used _protection_ because, hey, it's not like we're going to find any here so a couple weeks later I took a pregnancy test. Well technically I took ten but that's not the point. When I was positive that I was carrying your baby- which it has to be yours because I haven't slept with anyone besides you- anyway- god I'm rambling. I'm so sorry. I'm just gonna shut up for a second and pick up where I left off."

I'm quiet, watching him try not to laugh at my rambling nervousness. I take a deep breathe and start again.

"Long story short, I'm pregnant, it's your kid, and I just thought you should know… But I don't expect you to be there or anything and I'm not asking for money because my parents can pay for all of it I just thought that you should know because if it was me-"

I quickly realized I was rambling again and shut myself up. It takes five seconds of me staring at him for me to sigh and say, "Alright you can laugh now." And he does just that. After a while, I'm tempted to look at my watch but personal experience says he'll just start back up again.

When he finally finishes up, there's still a huge grin on his face. And not just the irremovable one. "So… what you're saying is… I'm gonna be a daddy?" I stare at him with one eyebrow raised. "Um…yes." This gets him going again and I wish I'd brought a book. This is why I can't show the Joker any emotion. If I do, he starts laughing and we never get anything done. Accept on…certain….circumstances….I wipe that thought from my mind quickly but he's too fast. He noticed the blush.

I'd mutter to myself if there wasn't already one crazy in the room. He's smiling at me. "What's the matter princess? Your face just got red. I didn't upset you did I?" I'm trying my best not to laugh but I'm getting the giggles and he's starting to get the giggles and pretty soon we're both laughing and I have no idea what's so funny, just that I got like this last time I was around him too. But I recover quicker and watch him laugh it out.

"Now that you've calmed down enough I guess I'll just say good bye and you'll never hear from me again." When I finish this sentence his reactions confuse me. He's looking at me like I said the most ridiculous thing in the world.

"I thought I got you pregnant." I nod.

"You did."

"Then why aren't we discussing ways that I can creep around and hang out with you. After all, you're the mother of my _child_!"

I look at him with shock and confusion like he just sprouted frog legs and started inching on the floor like a caterpillar, screaming "meow".

"E-excuse me?!" I can't stop emotions from coloring my words and motions now. He finally did it. He finally got to me. So this is why they call him sick and twisted. There's no way he's serious. But he just smiles at me again.

"Fine. Don't believe me. But I can always stop by whenever I want. I do know where you live." He licks his lips and I have no idea if I'm happy or sad.

**Hope ya liked! Reviews please and thanks to those who already have reviewed!**


	4. It's a Guilty Pleasure

**Alright so I only got one message saying it sounded like a Mary Sue so that just means I'll make some changes later in the story. For those that havent noticed, this would be my alternate reality. It would just be too complicated to follow plot lines. I've been getting lots of good feed back and I want to thank all of you who have added me to Auther favorites/alert or Story favorites/alert. Very Encouraging :D And I was getting lots of reviews saying that you guys wanted the chapters to be longer so, your wish is my command! I took a little longer but hey, thats the price for length haha.**

I don't have enough fare for a bus, so I walk home

I don't have enough fare for a bus, so I walk home. Inconsiderate jerk face back there didn't even offer to give me a ride….then again…getting dropped off by a school bus being driving by a guy wearing clown make up would probably arouse some suspicion. Looking back on it now, I can't believe I was able to laugh with the _Joker_ of all people. It had happened before but he had actually said something funny the other times.

When he first captured me, it was all I could do not to break down in sobs. But, being stubborn, I had to keep a clear head. Plus it was just too much fun watching him. He'd say some seriously sick stuff but with such a happy face that you couldn't help but look at him in amazement. I think he liked it. It reminded me of when I used to tell little kids that I eat babies just to get a reaction out of them.

That's all he wants. A reaction. I should be afraid of getting raped or robbed or something but I know this street too well. My confidence is gonna kill me one day, my grandma would tell me. And it did. She was too confident. Thought she wouldn't get lung cancer. Smokings' a bitch, aint it? But I don't feel like thinking about my grandparents.

I just wanna get home. My toes are cold from not wearing socks and my head is all confused about this daddy-joker business and I'm really craving some cool ranch Doritos and I'm all pissy at myself because I forgot my ipod and I could really use a distraction right now and now I'm getting a head ache and all I want is a nap.

Being pregnant sucks. That whole paragraph was one big rant. I walk a few more steps then start to feel bad. Being pregnant doesn't suck. I look down at my stomach and mentally apologize to my barely developed baby. It's just the hormones that suck. That's all. And mix those with my teenage ones….Oh jeez. Home is just a few blocks away and I speed up. It's warm in there. Fall is casting a chill in the air of Gotham.

I'm running now and I start to think about that night. The night I lost it to Joker. I'm at a full sprint and my heart is beating too fast and I'm too excited and I feel twisted about thinking that maybe, just maybe, it won't be that bad to have the Joker around.

I get to my door and force the key in the lock, running up the stairs that lead to the flat above the old movie theatre. Julia and David aren't home. _Of course._ I kick off my shoes, run to my room, and jump into my bed, pulling the covers up around my chin and taking furious yoga breathes.

In through the nose, out through the mouth, in through the nose, out through the mouth. In, out, in, out. I finally calm down after ten minutes. I don't know what happened. It scares me that I was so happy. It scares me that I actually visited the Joker, as if he were an old friend, not a mad man causing chaos around the city. But it's a Saturday and I'm tired. I grab my ipod off my nightstand and fall asleep listening to Drops of Jupiter.

When I wake up, I'm disoriented. I'd left my ipod on shuffle and the song playing is Guilty Pleasure. I look at my alarm clock. 6:28. I have no idea how long I was asleep just that it'll probably take forever to get back to sleep. I order pizza and call it a night.

When I wake up on Sunday, it's to a loud buzzing noise. I'm on the couch and the TV is on mute. I look at the clock hanging on the wall opposite the TV, in the kitchen and I moan. Its 9:00 am. Way, WAY too early for me to be up. I consider pulling the blanket over my head and going back to sleep but the buzzer goes off again. Some one really wants to see me. I'm still in my PJ's but it's probably just one of my friends looking for homework so I press the answering button by the door and slur out groggily, "Come on up." I click off the speaker and open the door to see the Joker. He's smirking at me. I look back at him with dead morning eyes.

"You're kidding, right?" His smirk turns into a smile. I turn around but leave the door open so he can follow me in. I shake my head and mutter to myself, "It is way too early for me to be dealing with this." I can hear him walking behind me.

"What's the matter, _Bailey_, should I not have come?" The way he says my name causes my brain to spasm out. I sigh.

"Well I would prefer a time when, oh I don't know, I was wearing a bra. Or maybe clothes that I could be presentable in." I shoot a look at him but he has a retort.

"Well last time I checked, I'd already seen you in no bra. Or presentable clothes for that matter. In fact. I've seen you in nothing at all…" I consider no emotions again, depriving him of a reaction but I figure, what the hell. He's my baby daddy. Might as well see the real me. But that still doesn't help my situation of something to say back so I come up with something lame.

"Yea…Tell ya what. I'll go get dressed and you can channel surf. There's cold pizza in the fridge and the remote's on the coffee table." I consider telling him not to break anything but knowing him; he'd just do it because he wanted to.

The Joker claps his hands and smiles. "Oh goody! I love playing the dad part!" I consider telling him that he's not playing, he is a dad, but then I remember that I'm lucky he's involved at all.

My hair isn't that bad. Sometimes it'll stick up in five different directions. Other times it looks like I hadn't even fallen asleep. Today was my lucky day. Probably because I had opted for curly yesterday and the curls cover most of the damages of sleep. I want to take a shower but that's a no-no with my current _guest_. I don't know how to react but I put on some clothes and fluff up my hair. I'm afraid to leave him alone in the other room. We have some expensive vases in there. Yesterday's makeup will have to do.

I walk in but pause at the sight of him sitting on my couch, munching on meat lovers. He looks so…normal. Well, as normal as you can get with make up like that but it strikes me as odd. I shake my head and sit down next to him, curling my legs underneath me and look at the flat screen. He's watching Chowder.

Well at least it's funny. By the fourth episode though, I figure I should say something. I turn to look at him and come up with something totally brilliant and amazing right on the spot.

"Umm…" He looks at me, that stupid grin on his face. "Yes?" I sigh.

"Sorry but don't you think this is just a little awkward seeing as the last time you saw me, we were playing hostage?" He giggles. "Letting me inside your head finally, are we?" I give him a look. He just laughs again. My heart beats a little faster.

"Actually, awkwardness is the least of our worries. What are you going to tell your parents?" I shrug. "As far as Julia and David are concerned, I was raped walking home from school. If anything, this gives them a sure reason to buy me a car." I pat my stomach. "Thanks Aiden." The Joker looks at my stomach. "You named it already?"

"Him. It's a him."

"How do you know?"

"Mother's intuition. And I'm sorry, did you want to have a vote on who we name our son?" He licks his lips at me, blinks, then starts in a round of giggles. After he cools off, he looks at me again. "No, no, I like the name. Irish, isn't it?" I nod. "Gotta stay true to my roots."

"Heh, you got the red hair and green eyes." and no, I'm not a carrot top. My hair is actually more red than orange. And my eyes are bluish green. Just thought I'd get the facts straight.

"So…what's your favorite color?"

It's getting darker outside and we've been asking each other questions all day. At first he wanted to know why I was asking him these questions again. He was referring to those times when I was his hostage and bored out of my mind. I asked him a lot of the same questions. I told him that people's minds can change. Like my friend, she has a new boyfriend for every week. He jut laughed at that.

"I still don't get why you won't tell me your favorite color."

I look at him innocently. "I keep telling you its rainbow!"

"Why don't you wanna tell? It's just a favorite color!"

"Because knowing you, you'll probably get the wrong idea."

"Oh? And why is that?"

"Because it's purple." I scrunch my nose up at him. He blinks at me.

"Seriously?" then his tone darkens. "Is some one getting a little…. _attached_?" He moves closer to me and I whack him playfully on the arm. "Don't kid yourself."

"But then why purple?" I shrug again. "Well, every body else likes blue, or green, or pink. I like purple. Plus, the color just kind of stands out to me." I pause and narrow my eyes at him. "And yes, that was _before_ you took me hostage." He looks up innocently. "What? _I_ didn't say anything. Me? No ma'am, not this joker." We both start laughing. Just then he looks at his watch.

"Oops, time for me to go. I've got a bat that needs some exercise." My heart drops just a little bit and the bubbly feeling I had in my stomach fizzles out. "Well then… I guess I'll see you… later?" I don't know if or when he'll come back. I just hope he does. It gets a little lonely up here sometimes.

"Yea I'll be over tomorrow. See ya babe!" He winks at me and then he's gone. I mutter to myself, "Weirdest damn Sunday _I've_ ever had…"

**So? What do you think? Reviews please!**


	5. Figuring It Out

**ATTENTION: I CHANGED THE STORY FROM PRESENT TENSE TO PAST TENSE SO PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!!**

**Alrighty guys! Sorry for the delay! I had to visit my dad for EIGHT DAYS and couldn't update but it gave me eight days of inspiration and I got to plan and plot my story! I must say I love what I've come up with. I got back on Friday but I spent my weekend with my besty so I couldn't update then either. A thousand condolences. AND on Sunday, August 3rd, my cat had her KITTENS!! They look like mice X3**

**and here we go!**

The next month went by smoothly. After that weekend, the Joker came over to my house soon after I got back from school, ever day, for that week. By the next Monday though, he was waiting for me when I opened the door. Upon questioning, he just smiled and said I shouldn't keep my key in my locker. How _the Joker _got into my school with out any one noticing him is simply _beyond_ me.

Looking past that thought, everything fell into a smooth routine. Monday through Friday he would be there when I got home, sit with me while I did my (beastly) homework, and watch TV, or maybe the inside of his thoughts. I wasn't entirely sure most of the time. It was nice having some one around at dinner so I didn't complain. On the weekends he would arrive at nine so I always had to make sure I was up and dressed before he came or there would be consequences.

I had to learn the hard way. The weekend after he copied my key, he came over to my house. Unfortunately, I was still asleep. So, he snuck into my room and put his face right next to mine, breathing on me heavily. Now, if you've ever had some one in freaky make up put their face up close to yours and breath loudly _while you're asleep_, it's kind of scary when you wake up. If the smell of his breath wasn't enough to wake me, the noise and feel of it did it.

We'll just say the Joker knows better than to wake me up from now on. But I still wake up at eight every morning on the weekends so I can shower and be dressed before he gets here. My long red hair usually looks like crap in the mornings anyway. I was lucky that first day. We were sitting on the couch like usual. I was reading Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer and he was flipping through the channels, twitching every now and then. I've gotten used to that.

Finally he turned the TV off, and the flat was quiet. I finished my paragraph then looked up at him. His jacket was off, the sleeves of his patterned shirt rolled up to his forearms. The yellow light of the lamp coming from behind the couch lit up a small circle around us. A blanket of night was setting on this October Saturday. We were both silent for a few long moments. My voice was quiet when I spoke.

"What is it?" He turned to look at me, his expression unreadable. "Why am I still here? Why haven't I left yet?" I shrugged, trying to keep the sadness from tinting my voice. He was going to leave. I knew it was only a matter of time. "You're only here as long as you want to be. I can't make you stay. I'm just lucky you wanted to be involved in the first place." His shoulders sagged.

"No, no. I meant, why haven't you kicked me out yet? They call me a freak, a _weirdo_. I keep expecting you to snap out of it, open your eyes and realize that you're letting a criminal into your house!" He licked his lips at me, his brows furrowed in frustration. I felt a smile coming on. "This is what you're worried about? _Me_ not wanting _you_?" He splayed his hands out in front of him and I smiled gently.

"Trust me, that is the _last_ thing you will have to worry about. I'm just happy I have some one here every day. It's been a while since this place felt like home." I'd probably said too much. The growing silence proved that. But he didn't look away from my face. His chocolate eyes searched my face. And then he stood up abruptly, grabbing for his jacket off the back of the couch. It was stuck behind my back so I leaned forward, allowing him to take it.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He muttered before walking swiftly out the door. I stared after him, shocked and a little confused and, surprisingly, sad. He had left early…

_Joker POV_

It was late enough on Bailey's street that all the little shops were closed but early enough that every one was still awake. Since it was fall, darkness came faster so at least then it would be harder for people to notice me. I stayed to the shadows and walked along with my hands shoved in my pockets. The streets were empty for the most part. Lights off, closed signs displayed, every one headed in for the night.

This was good because it would be a lot harder to do this whole thinking thing if there were people looking at me all wide eyed and freaked out. Pedestrians. But back to the matter at hand. Bailey. Lately, it'd been getting harder and harder to get myself to leave her at a regular time every day. She'd look at me with those big eyes and my insides would get all hot and jittery but not uncomfortably so.

There was something about her. A warmth that set ablaze a fire in my veins. Of course, it took a while to get there. She liked to pretend that she could hide her reactions from me. Be emotionless. Remembering it made me giggle as I walked down another street. Didn't she know? No reaction _was_a reaction! Hee hee. As I thought about her, the jittery feeling returned in my stomach. I shouldn't have left so early. I wanted to see her now- no! No, I didn't! I ducked my head down and took a deep breath, heaving an exasperated sigh.

I smelled something familiar. I'd smell it whenever Bailey and I were sitting especially close on the couch or when she'd walk past me and the air would move with her scent. The smell of caramel and a hint of baked almond. Her shampoo. I'd seen it in her shower when I used her bathroom. Some kind of salon stuff. But where had the smell come from? Then I remembered. My jacket. She had been leaning against it for a good portion of the evening.

I "popped the collar" (heh heh) of my jacket and took a deep breath, breathing in the warm, comforting smell of caramel and almond. I hadn't realized I'd stopped walking till I looked up and realized just what I was doing. A car passed by, taking a right, the noise of tires on pavement quickly fading. I looked up at the night sky. A slow drizzle was starting. The drops fell lightly on my face, probably making my make up run.

So what did this mean? That I had feelings for Bailey? Did I love her? Or was that too big of a leap? I was new to this whole "feelings" business so I wasn't exactly clear on what I was supposed to call it. I stuck with like. I didn't want to over do it.

"I like Bailey." I muttered to myself, while still staring up at the rain clouds. I looked ahead of me, a smile spreading on my face. "I like Bailey." This time I said it in a normal volume. I couldn't stop my grin from widening. "I like Bailey!" I burst into laughter, continuing on my merry way.

_Bailey POV_

I lay in bed that night, not tired at all. All I could think about was Joker and how he looked at me just an hour before. My thoughts were confused and jumbled and my stomach was in knots and I just felt like going outside and running for miles and miles till this hyper euphoria wore off. And at the same time, I was sad that he had left so abruptly, with no explanation. Just the reassurance that he would be back tomorrow. Which I guess is something.

I wanted to know why I was thinking these thoughts but a little part of me told me I already knew. I wanted to deny it but I guess there was no escaping when the answer was staring you right in the face. I sighed. It explained the sudden reoccurrences of blushes and stomach butterflies. Why I smiled more when he was around. Why I could never concentrate on my homework so it took me longer to complete it, along with reading for that matter.

I smiled to myself. I like the Joker. I giggled. Of course, this would complicate things when the baby was out and he didn't have to hang around any more but heart break wasn't the end of the world. I wondered what he was doing. I heard the rain falling lightly on the city outside and I hoped he made to…. Wherever… safely. I settled into my covers, my body finally finding peace.

I like the Joker. I smiled weakly before closing my eyes and falling asleep.

**Reviews please! I'll be babysitting tomorrow so I'll try to get as much done as I can today but that's only if I have enough... _persuasion_...**


	6. Scrambled Eggs

**Okay, so I KNOW the Joker is a _bit _out of character and I feel bad about that, really, I do, and I'm working on it, I promise! In the mwan time, why don't read and review and I _wont _make Bailey get an abortion, deal?**

**ATTENTION!! LATER ON IN THE STORY WHEN THINGS, ERM, "HEATEN UP" I WAS WONDERING IF YOU GUYS WOULD PREFER DETAILS OF THE, WELL, "NIGHT LIFE", AND A RAISED RATING, OR TO KEEP THE RATING AND JUST REALLY STRONG HINTS. PLEASE PLEASE _PLEASE_TELL YOUR OPINION!! I WOULD HATE TO DISAPPOINT MY READERS!**

Now that it was the next morning, last night's realization had dulled down some. The joker would be here any minute and I was rocking back and forth on my heels nervously. He had left so abruptly last night. What if he was still in a funk? I tried to erase the doubts and worries from my head. There was probably nothing wrong. I was probably overreacting. I hoped.

The door opened and the Joker stepped through, closing the door behind him. Well at least he had a smile on his face. "Good morning, _beautiful_. And how did _you_ sleep?" I smiled, relieved at the easy atmosphere. "Great, actually. You?" He licked his lips, smile widening. He walked over to me. "Quite well."

The close proximity made my heart sputter. I could hear the beating in my ears. I stared up at him; he was a good head taller than me. I felt the butterflies bang restlessly against my diaphragm. My veins felt like they were being pumped with helium. The silence was on the edges of awkward just as my stomach growled loudly.

He raised his eyebrows at me then we both started laughing. I walked over to the fridge, taking out a carton of eggs and a block of cheese. Keep it simple. I turned to him. "Want some?" I couldn't keep a smile off my face. "Yes please." He was smiling too. I took out a pan and stuck it on the stove, turning the burner on a medium/low setting. I leaned against the counter and he took a seat in one of the chairs at the table that was in the kitchen. He angled it so he could look at me while he talked to me.

"Question time!" His grin was almost childish. I was secretly happy. There was something I wanted to ask him… "Shoot." He made a fake concentration face. "Favorite animal?"

"Raccoon. Right next to fox. I can never decide." I rolled my eyes and smiled. "My turn. Cat person or dog person?" He looked at me like _I_ was the crazy one. "Dogs of course! How's a cat going to help me? Come inside, claw my furniture, go outside, kill something, and then bring it back inside- no. Dogs definitely. My turn. Pepsi or Coke?"

I made a face. "Bleck. Shasta Cola. On the off chance I'm drinking soda in the first place." I turned to the stove and opened up the carton of eggs. "One or two eggs?"

"Two." He said his answer low into my ear, scaring me half to death. I whirled around, screaming. My heart was beating a gazillion times its normal rate and I placed my hand on the oven handle, leaning against it, my free hand against my chest. I glared at the Joker. He just smiled at me. "Oh, and that counts as a question."

"Yea? Well you don't get any eggs!" But I still put four eggs into the pan. They sizzled nicely and I stirred them around, not letting them get burned. Scrambled eggs were fast. I waited for his next question. "Favorite soup?" soup was a new one. "Tomato basil." I turned off the burner and opened the cupboard, grabbing two small plates. "What's your name?" I tried to say it as nonchalantly as possible.

"Jack. Pets you've had in the past?" He didn't seem to care but I couldn't see his expression so I couldn't be sure. I grated some cheese onto a paper towel and spooned eggs onto both the plates. I brought them over to the table, placing one in front of… Jack… and the other in front of the chair closest to me. I went back for the cheese and sat down, placing the delicious calcium product in between us.

"Let's see, there was my Lab Retriever mix, Maggie, my black cat, Luna, my fish, pig, and my mom had this weird lap dog thing for a short while but it got too bothersome, taking it every where with her. Plus, the rat had one heck of a temper. Nasty little thing." I sprinkled cheese on my eggs. The Joker took his gloves off and was about to do the same when I stopped him.

"Wash your hands." He raised an eye brow at me. "Excuse me?" "Wash your hands!" "Why?" I let out a huff. "Because there's paint and God knows what else on them, now wash your hands!" He stuck his tongue out at me but sulked over to the kitchen sink, following my orders. I then noticed that I had forgotten forks. I stepped lightly over to the drawer next to the stove, taking out two forks and sitting back down.

I heard the sound of the sink turn off. The Joker dried off his hands and joined me at the table. I took a bite of eggs as he sprinkled cheese on his. We ate in silence until I realized it was still my turn. I'd already gotten the information I wanted but I still wanted to continue the conversation so I thought of something random.

"If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you go?" He swallowed his mouthful of eggs. "I'd stay here. If no one's chasing me, why run?" He paused, "Where are your parents?" I took a bite of eggs, thinking back to the clipped conversation we had had last time they were home. "Let's see, David is somewhere in Japan and Julia is in Europe. We're in October now so I think she's in London…"

The look he gave me was one of confusion so I explained. "My father works with the Japanese in bringing their technology to the states and my mother works in the fashion industry, getting a better handle on what's hot in different countries." He leaned back in his chair.

"Then why do you live in a flat? With jobs like that, don't you think you could afford something a little more… _extravagant_?" I rolled my eyes. "Well, personally, I think a flat is plenty large enough for a teenager living on her own. Plus, I have my own credit card and I'll be getting my car next weekend." I remembered how, before the Joker started plaguing my life, the flat had already seemed too big for a girl on her own, but I kept that to myself.

"Ah, so you keep the home life humble but the living experience lavish?" I rolled my eyes again and took another bite eggs. "You could call it that."

_Joker POV_

We finished the eggs in silence and I watched Bailey as she walked over to the sink to rinse them off. No, walk wasn't the right word. Flutter, maybe, like she was dancing along to some tune nobody else seemed to notice. She opened the dishwasher, making a little noise in the back of her throat.

It was practically full. I watched her, feeling a smile start to creep its way along the edges of my face as she scrambled for a place to put the dishes. After rearranging the whole rack and some of the upper rack, they all finally fitted together. She added some soap, closed the darned thing, and started the dishwasher.

Bailey stood up, brushing her hands off and smiling at me, a sense of accomplishment surrounding her. She looked so beautiful, with the morning light filtering in through the kitchen window and haloing her red hair that I didn't have the heart to tell her she forgot the forks.

She skipped over to the couch and I couldn't help a sigh from escaping my lips. She looked up at me, concerned. "What is it?" I stood up, walking over to her, loving the electricity in my pulse as we became closer to each other. "Oh, nothing, it's just…well… we've been doing this routine for about a month now. How much TV are we gonna watch?" She smirked at me.

"Well, we could go places if you took a shower and out on some normal people clothes. You're about my dad's size." She looked me up and down and then nodded her head as if reassuring herself. "But I didn't bring my make up." She giggled. "Well yea; we wouldn't want you wearing your make up when you're trying to _blend in_, right?" She smiled again. "But if you really feel that self conscious, you can use my eye liner."

I licked my lips. She smiled at me. Okay, that was kind of funny. But only because we knew each other. I sighed. "So where are we going?"

**guess what I had for breakfast? SCRAMBLED EGGS!! :D Reviews please!**


	7. Beautiful No Matter What

**Ok guys, sorry for the slight delay. I actually reached the five page marker on this chapter on Word! Woot! And to think the day isn't even over yet either. Jeez. So far, you guys either want details or you don't care. Naughty, naughty ;) But your wish is my command. Word of advice: Ben and Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk first thing in the morning? Not the best idea.**

**ATTENTION: THERE WAS A TYPO IN THE SECOND CHAPTER!! BAILEY IS 17!! I AM SOOOOO SORRY FOR THE MIX UP!!**

**Enjoy the story :)**

Of course, as soon as I said this Bailey was bouncing up and down all claps and squeals like. Then she made herself pull a straight face, although you could still see the upturned edges of a smile on her lips. I licked my own lips and made myself stare at her eyes.

"First, you need a shower." I scrunched my face up at her. She just smiled and skipped off into what I assumed was her parent's bedroom because it wasn't hers. She came back out a short time later with two bottles of what I guessed was a more manly body cleaning product. I'm ready for my ba-ath! Woof. Woof.

She held them up and I took them from her. One was a shampoo bottle and the other was a bottle of body wash. I glanced up at her and raised my eyebrow. "Your dad uses Old Spice?" She made an adorable pouty face. "Don't deny my old man his simple pleasures." She smiled again. "It makes him feel young."

She started to push me in the direction of the bathroom. "And anyway, if it's really that bad, we can get you your own shampoo and body wash while we're out." She had me in the bathroom now and I turned to face her, leaning against the door frame.

"Planning on having me shower here in the future?" I thought I saw a blush rise to her cheeks but she leaned away from me, her face turning defiant. "Do _you_ have a way of cleaning yourself?" And she slammed the door in my face.

_Bailey's POV_

I was sitting, reading on the couch, giggling at the Joker's attempts at figuring out my shower when the thought occurred to me. I got to dress up the _Joker_! It was like, the ultimate Ken doll experience! I leapt off the couch and bounded into my parent's room. Of course, seeing as I could only choose from my dad's clothes, the possibilities were limited but I could make do.

I stopped short. Darn. My dad didn't own a pair of skinny jeans and I seriously doubted Jack could fit into mine… I smelled a shopping spree in the near future. I giggled darkly to myself. How many stereotypes could I make him wear?

I opened up my dad's closet and browsed around for a pair of dark blue jeans and laid them out on the bed. Next was a shirt. I was having a hard time picturing the Joker in anything else besides the long sleeve button up and vest he always wore. Just then I remembered. Back in the day, when my dad was cool, he wore stuff that didn't consist of monkey suits, sweats, and dress wear. You know, for those nights out.

I dug through the back of the closet and found a large box labeled "Good Will". I was supposed to take it down there months ago but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I brought it out to the bed and pulled out my sparkly purple pocket knife, cutting the tape and ripping the box open.

Inside were all the forgotten memories of my child hood. Back when things between my parents and me were still sunny. Sure it was just a bunch of clothes my dad never wore anymore but to me it signified the happiness between us that ended when both my parents got offered new jobs, I went into high school, and we bought this new flat.

I pulled out a white long sleeve, the hemming of the sleeves going up the arm about two and half inches. On the chest in faded black letters was printed "Anarchy". He would like that. I folded the shirt and placed it on top of the pants. Next, I figured he might want at least a little bit his old costume so I pulled out my dad's dark brown vest and placed it on the shirt. I finished it off with a simple black jacket.

I heard the water turn off in the other room. Perfect timing. I fixed my shirt in my parents mirror and walked back over to the bathroom, knocking lightly when I got there. There was a pause and then he opened the door. "_Yes?_"

Well I'd be lying if I didn't say I forgot to breathe for a few moments. There he was, the Joker, wearing nothing but a towel, beads of water rolling down his body. I kept face down and mumbled out, "Here's your clothes." Before closing the door and zipping away from there as fast as possible.

That still didn't prevent me from hearing his very loud laughter coming from behind the bathroom door. I gritted my teeth and stomped into my room, grabbing my wallet and shoving it into the back pocket of my dark blue skinny jeans. I didn't feel like carrying a purse today. I heard the bathroom door open and I walked back into living room.

And stopped short. I think my heart did too. When I had first seen him out of the shower, I hadn't gotten a good look at his face because I was looking at my feet, too distracted by his half-naked body to notice anything else.

I'd gotten used to the Joker's scars and make up pretty quickly. After all, I'd dated guys who had facial scars and I'd dated guys who wore make up (albeit not as much) so hanging out with a guy who had both was no big deal. I just didn't know that underneath the make up was some thing so… _beautiful_.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "What is it?" I didn't answer, taking careful steps closer to him, shrinking the distance to a few feet before slowing down and reaching my hand out towards his face. The tips of my fingers brushed lightly against his scars and his back stiffened. This was like a slap to the face with a reality two by four.

My hand was gone in a flash. "I-I'm _so_ sorry. I can't believe I just- oh my _god_. I am so, _so_ sorry!" I could feel my face catch fire. I looked away, scratching the back of my head awkwardly. He was so quiet I almost didn't hear him. "No, it's okay. I haven't been touched liked that in a long time."

I looked back up at him. His expression was careful. I wanted to touch his face again but that was a no-no. There was something in his eyes though that I couldn't read. It was familiar, like I'd seen it before, perhaps in the eyes of some one else. I zeroed in on his gaze, trying to figure out what it was. There was almost something sad to it. It made my heart ache when I focused on it too much. I had to look away.

I decided to break the awkward silence. "I guess we should get going now." I started moving for the door and the Joker followed behind me. "Where are we going, exactly?" I shrugged. "Well, there's a park not far from here that has a path that we could walk along until we get bored or hungry or find something else to do."

I smiled at him, the strangeness of a few moments ago easily brushed away. "You got any better ideas?" We shuffled outside and started down the sidewalk, side by side. We were quiet for a while but it wasn't awkward this time. I was happy to people watch as we walked past cafés and delis, coffee shops and pubs.

It wasn't long until I began to notice that the people walking past us were giving Jack strange looks. One look at him told me he had noticed too. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. I nudged him. "What's up with everybody?" He obviously didn't need an explanation. "I think they see resemblance to some one they know." he flashed a sarcastic smile to back it up.

"That or they're just amazed by my devilishly good looks." I rolled my eyes and smirked. "Yea, I'm _sure_ that's it. You know, just because it qualifies as normal for _me_, doesn't exactly make it an appropriate standard for every one _else_." He giggled at my pointing out of the obvious. We reached another cross walk; across the street was the park. A small play area was visible from here, swarming with little kids.

I looked down at my stomach, already a slight bulge starting to form between my hips. He was gonna be big boy… when I looked up, the signal had changed from hand to person and the Joker was looking at me from a couple paces ahead, amused. I hurried across the street.

I couldn't help staring as we passed the children in their blissful, playtime state of mind. Little girls in pink skirts were swinging on the swings, singing all the lovey dovey Disney songs. A group of little boys were running up and down the play set, making shooting noises and gun shapes with their hands.

A group of babies played in the sandbox while their dads stood around them, discussing last week's game and the preparations for tonight's party. You're bringing the chips, right? Dude, I always bring the chips! I watched as one baby stuck the handle of a shovel in his mouth and another put a bucket over his head.

The mothers were all sitting on the benches over looking the area. Teenage moms on one bench, adult moms on the other. None of them were paying attention. It wasn't until one of the little girls fell off her swing and started crying that there was any reaction. Only one mom looked up. It was as if her ears had pricked up when her child started crying. Her gaze zeroed in on her child and she grabbed her purse and rushed over to the scene of the accident.

That's when I realized we'd stopped walking. The Joker had been totally quiet and I hadn't even noticed. We had come to a complete stand still and I had my arms crossed over my chest, facing the fun structure. I gave him a bewildered look that turned apologetic. He shrugged. "You had that _analyze_ look on your face so I just stopped walking and, what do you know, you stopped with me."

I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I didn't even realize we had stopped…" I started walking again and he followed next to me. We continued with the comfortable silence again, happy to people watch. Now that we were getting farther from the kids, things were quieting down some. I glanced back down at my stomach, unable to keep from thinking baby thoughts.

"Having second thoughts?" I turned my attention to the Joker after he said this. After a short searching of his face, I sighed. "No, it's just- well…" I took a deep breath. "Ever since I was in middle school, I would dream about my future son. I've known his name since I was in eighth grade." I half smiled.

"I just never expected that I would get to meet him so soon." I placed my hand gently against my stomach. I said the next thing quietly. "I also never expected that I would have him with such a spectacular person." We didn't talk after that. The butterflies were starting to calm into a warm, gooey heat oozing through out my entire body, heating my limbs and keeping me warm.

The space in between us as we walked seemed to buzz with its own electric current. I felt calm and whole yet spastic and everywhere at the same time. I wanted to sing, laugh, shout but the silence said enough as we walked along the path, passing kids walking their dogs, athletes riding their bikes, crazy ladies feeding the birds, and old couples sitting together on benches.

It took me a while to identify the comfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach as we walked along. It was the feeling of a family.

_Joker POV_

I was going crazy. Well, you know what I mean. That scene from this morning kept replaying in my mind and each time I pictured what would have happened had I not rejected her touch or if I had grabbed her wrist or had just done _something _besides stand there like an idiot. She had just surprised me, that's all. I wanted to explain that to her but she seemed to be off in her own little world.

The worst part was that I couldn't even be mad at her for it. She was just so cute when she made that concentrated face like when she was staring at the little kids that I couldn't help but forgive her. And then she'd stare into my eyes with that intent gaze of hers and it was like she could see inside me.

It scared me. Here she was, doing nothing but thinking and observing and I was a jumbled mess. The thought made me giggle to myself. I quickly glanced at her but of course she hadn't noticed- or at least, she was so used to my random laughing that she didn't bother asking _why_ any more.

And then she was making me go out in _public_ with out my make up on. I felt naked. Every one could see my face. But it wasn't like I could _complain_; I was the one who had wanted to leave the flat in the first place. And Bailey knew I was uncomfortable with all these people staring at me but it wasn't like she could do anything.

The way she looked at me this morning was enough for me to ignore the civilians walking past us now. "Um…" I looked over at her. She was staring at her feet, the way she did when she didn't want me to see her face. "What's going to happen after I have the baby? I mean… Do you want to be involved at all…?" I let my gaze drift down to her stomach.

I knew I had feelings for Bailey but would I feel any of that "fatherly love" for our son? As I stared at the barely noticeable bump, a warm feeling started to attach itself to my heart and I realized I already did. Sure, I hadn't given it much room to grow, but I could already feel it manifesting. This baby would be a big part of my life, I could feel it.

"Yes." It was a barely audible mutter but I knew Bailey could hear me. She snapped her head up to look at me, her cheeks flushed from the cold. She was surprised but I detected the sparkles of happiness dancing in her blue green eyes. If you looked close enough, you could see golden flecks around the pupil and the navy blue edges of the iris.

She looked away again, staring straight forward this time. What was I thinking? How could I possibly think I stood a chance with some one like her? Even in normal clothes, with no make up on, people were giving me a wide berth. And yet, she hadn't pushed me away. We were walking so close that our hands kept brushing up against each other. She didn't seem to mind.

It was reaching noon and we stopped at a hot a dog vendor, sitting down on a little bench to plan our next move. I took a bite of my hot dog as Bailey discussed options with herself. "We could go see a movie. That's pretty mindless and the theatres cheap." I hunched over my hot dog and tried not to laugh. So many would disagree.

Then her eyes lit up and she turned to look at me, her face hopeful. "Whuh?" I said through a mouthful of hotdog. "I just remembered. The fair's in town!"

**Wonder what will happen on this crazy adventure? Review or the roller coaster blows up... with the Joker on it! Dun Dun Dun Dun!**


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